This is so well-written Morlene. I know the article is titled "Hot Girl Hamster Wheel;" and, as a guy, I had to check my ego and realize your writing applied to me as well. I often find myself mirroring your mother's thinking, intellectualizing how attractiveness underscore's society valuation of an individual, and using it as an excuse to not do the internal work needed to be a better person.
I love the idea of upending the system as a whole, and I thank you for pushing these ideas towards your friends (and the general collective). Here for the Hot Girl Riot!
This was a well-written, insightful post, and I appreciate you sharing this with the world.
Even though I can't offer a panacea or delineate these blurry lines, especially as a man, I couldn't help but think that part of solving this incredibly nuanced and complex Hot Girl Hamster Wheel involves reexamining our society's values and power structures.
A start? We can all start owning and acknowledging this problem because we are all responsible. Especially those who have more power and influence in our society. For example, I can begin evaluating my biases to help move toward breaking the cycle for future generations.
I am a 62 year old woman, plus size, and polyamorous. When my husband and I first got into polyamory, I told him that I didn’t think I could be successful at this. He asked me why. I said, two reasons. 1. My age. Who wants to date a 60 year old? And 2. My body type. He said, I think you’re wrong. And boy, was I wrong! I look for partners online in various Facebook groups, meetup groups and the like. And I definitely feel that for some reason, my age and body type have made me interesting to a certain segment of the poly population. I typically attract 40-year-olds, much to my surprise. There’s something about being confident that overrides the fact that I don’t have traditional good looks. I don’t spend a lot of money on beauty products, can’t go to the gym and exercise much because of a specific health condition, but I’m an interesting person. Just this week I was approached by a person who I would never have attempted to approach because he felt “out of my league.” And this relationship is turning out to be something really special. I keep asking him what he sees in me and he says, you’re sexy and hot. What more can I ask? I no longer feel I need to try and compete with cute girls on their level.
As a man, I hate to admit it, but I see that beauty does have power.
Years ago I dated, on and off, a woman who did fine art, and when she applied this talent to herself in the form of make-up, (and also her choice of clothing) she really did look beautiful, and it gave her that power. One time she was even caught on a train without a ticket - she just flirted with the inspector and he let her off, to continue her journey with no ticket.
Dating her - it was never really "on", but to the extent that we had some dates - it was a disaster. She seemed to go through life expecting the same kind of treatment as she had on the train. I thought I could fix her - LOL.
Even when things were OK, here's the thing: first thing in the morning, when she had no makeup, she still looked good - but she had more the "girl next door" kind of beauty. And when we planned to go somewhere, waiting for her to spend two hours in the bathroom getting her makeup on - for hiking !? - that was annoying.
I've always been fine with women not wearing make-up. I'd like to say it's never affected me, but I guess this story disproves it. However, that experience put me off dating overly made-up women. Also I now know a lot more about health, so have no desire to be close to all of that stuff. Sometimes a little can look nice, but overall, my preference is for women with no makeup, It seems more authentic.
I may be unusual.
On women's figures - I think men are broader in our acceptance of body types than most women realize. When Kate Winslet starred in Titanic (I'm of the generation that saw that at the cinema), she was a larger body type than was fashionable at the time, but simply gorgeous. Apparently she got some really catty comments from other actresses. But to straight men, she was (and is) just gorgeous.
This is so well-written Morlene. I know the article is titled "Hot Girl Hamster Wheel;" and, as a guy, I had to check my ego and realize your writing applied to me as well. I often find myself mirroring your mother's thinking, intellectualizing how attractiveness underscore's society valuation of an individual, and using it as an excuse to not do the internal work needed to be a better person.
I love the idea of upending the system as a whole, and I thank you for pushing these ideas towards your friends (and the general collective). Here for the Hot Girl Riot!
This was a well-written, insightful post, and I appreciate you sharing this with the world.
Even though I can't offer a panacea or delineate these blurry lines, especially as a man, I couldn't help but think that part of solving this incredibly nuanced and complex Hot Girl Hamster Wheel involves reexamining our society's values and power structures.
A start? We can all start owning and acknowledging this problem because we are all responsible. Especially those who have more power and influence in our society. For example, I can begin evaluating my biases to help move toward breaking the cycle for future generations.
I am a 62 year old woman, plus size, and polyamorous. When my husband and I first got into polyamory, I told him that I didn’t think I could be successful at this. He asked me why. I said, two reasons. 1. My age. Who wants to date a 60 year old? And 2. My body type. He said, I think you’re wrong. And boy, was I wrong! I look for partners online in various Facebook groups, meetup groups and the like. And I definitely feel that for some reason, my age and body type have made me interesting to a certain segment of the poly population. I typically attract 40-year-olds, much to my surprise. There’s something about being confident that overrides the fact that I don’t have traditional good looks. I don’t spend a lot of money on beauty products, can’t go to the gym and exercise much because of a specific health condition, but I’m an interesting person. Just this week I was approached by a person who I would never have attempted to approach because he felt “out of my league.” And this relationship is turning out to be something really special. I keep asking him what he sees in me and he says, you’re sexy and hot. What more can I ask? I no longer feel I need to try and compete with cute girls on their level.
Interesting article!
As a man, I hate to admit it, but I see that beauty does have power.
Years ago I dated, on and off, a woman who did fine art, and when she applied this talent to herself in the form of make-up, (and also her choice of clothing) she really did look beautiful, and it gave her that power. One time she was even caught on a train without a ticket - she just flirted with the inspector and he let her off, to continue her journey with no ticket.
Dating her - it was never really "on", but to the extent that we had some dates - it was a disaster. She seemed to go through life expecting the same kind of treatment as she had on the train. I thought I could fix her - LOL.
Even when things were OK, here's the thing: first thing in the morning, when she had no makeup, she still looked good - but she had more the "girl next door" kind of beauty. And when we planned to go somewhere, waiting for her to spend two hours in the bathroom getting her makeup on - for hiking !? - that was annoying.
I've always been fine with women not wearing make-up. I'd like to say it's never affected me, but I guess this story disproves it. However, that experience put me off dating overly made-up women. Also I now know a lot more about health, so have no desire to be close to all of that stuff. Sometimes a little can look nice, but overall, my preference is for women with no makeup, It seems more authentic.
I may be unusual.
On women's figures - I think men are broader in our acceptance of body types than most women realize. When Kate Winslet starred in Titanic (I'm of the generation that saw that at the cinema), she was a larger body type than was fashionable at the time, but simply gorgeous. Apparently she got some really catty comments from other actresses. But to straight men, she was (and is) just gorgeous.
I hope this helps.